Medical science, you sell out whore. It wasn't enough to just try and cure cancer, was it? No, you had to throw fat folks a lifeline as well, didn't you? It's not as if you haven't spent years telling people that getting fat is bad, but you also have to provide them with cheating, get-out-of-jail-free cards if they couldn't help but stuff their faces with fried chicken 24-7? Fucking ridiculous.
Fat folks are so wonderful for the economy, aren't they? Spending their money on pizza and scam exercise machines. You kinda have to reflect on the nature of a society where you can consume so, so much more than you need, become grotesquely overweight and everyone just kinda takes it in stride. Do we have so much that it's just OK to stop caring and damage your health because cheese is just so damn delicious? Cheese may be delicious, but you don't have to eat a metric tonne of it. A slice will do, on a cracker.
So, we've come a long way from celery and treadmills, haven't we? Liposuction is a pretty unpleasant thought, a big hose just slurping that lard out of their fat arses, but at least you can make soap out of it, so that's OK. They're giving back to society. But where to from there? Lap banding surgery and gastric bypassing? Oh, you don't have the self control not to stuff yourself to bursting point every meal, so we'll just hog-tie your pork-bag so you effectively starve yourself thin. Is that really healthy? Hell, is that even wise? Going under the knife because you can't say no to a rubbish bag full of spring rolls if the opportunity comes up? I'd wager no, mostly on account of there's easier ways to shed some kilos than cutting your beer gut open, it just requires you to put some work in, you lazy slob.
Obesity is a disease? Yeah, in the same way that being a jackass is. To quote Ricky Gervais, "what are the symptoms, everything is delicious?" This is just another rationalisation for your own lack of self control, making it out to be somebody else's fault. Guess what, lard arse? I'm not buying it, so put down the fork and stop your bitching.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I Spent My Childhood Punching Midgets.
Hot damn everyone is a terrible parent. Except the good ones. But seriously, the people who spawn seem to be the people who should be given free condoms every day of their lives since they've been 15. You know, just to make sure. If I had a little sprog running around being an annoying little shit at a shopping centre, I know exactly what I'd do. I'd go to the pub, have a quiet pint, then go home and wait for the issue to resolve itself. With any luck, you'd never see the little fucker again. Kid whining at your ankles for sweets at a supermarket? Push the seed over, break their little wrists. Then, on the way to the emergency room, regale them with tales of how freaky their mother is in bed. That'll learn them whatever it is that my point was.
Kids movies are so shit nowadays. They're all preachy and 3D and trying to appeal to adults and kids. Fuck right off. The moral of Shrek? "That girl you like won't like you unless she's as ugly as you." The moral of Finding Nemo? "If you don't listen to your parents or teachers, it doesn't matter, because they'll just risk life and limb to get your disobedient arse back anyway." What utter bullshit. You know what movie I remember best from my childhood? A tale of a family torn apart when a father is killed by his brother, who blames the son. The son flees and spends his formative years under the guidance of a couple of pot-smoking hippies (you know, probably) until his childhood sweetheart comes back, showing him what a deadbeat he's become, inspiring him to go back and take revenge on his bastard uncle. Sound familiar? Well it should.
It's motherfuckin' Lion King! That film remains one of my fondest memories just because it wasn't a preachy pile of shit like the other childhood crap. Even then, I'd figured out the world was full of dickheads trying to get you crushed by antelope, and Simba was basically a slightly less hairy, four legged version of me. Except his integrity and shit. But being a deadbeat for a good portion of your life, I had that.
If you ever have kids, and I hope you don't because they annoy the crap out of me, don't feed them all that saccharine goody-goody crap. Get them learning from the get go. Also, give them a whack if they're being little bastards. It works, suck it up Mr and Mrs Politically Correct Hippie Crap.
Kids movies are so shit nowadays. They're all preachy and 3D and trying to appeal to adults and kids. Fuck right off. The moral of Shrek? "That girl you like won't like you unless she's as ugly as you." The moral of Finding Nemo? "If you don't listen to your parents or teachers, it doesn't matter, because they'll just risk life and limb to get your disobedient arse back anyway." What utter bullshit. You know what movie I remember best from my childhood? A tale of a family torn apart when a father is killed by his brother, who blames the son. The son flees and spends his formative years under the guidance of a couple of pot-smoking hippies (you know, probably) until his childhood sweetheart comes back, showing him what a deadbeat he's become, inspiring him to go back and take revenge on his bastard uncle. Sound familiar? Well it should.
It's motherfuckin' Lion King! That film remains one of my fondest memories just because it wasn't a preachy pile of shit like the other childhood crap. Even then, I'd figured out the world was full of dickheads trying to get you crushed by antelope, and Simba was basically a slightly less hairy, four legged version of me. Except his integrity and shit. But being a deadbeat for a good portion of your life, I had that.
If you ever have kids, and I hope you don't because they annoy the crap out of me, don't feed them all that saccharine goody-goody crap. Get them learning from the get go. Also, give them a whack if they're being little bastards. It works, suck it up Mr and Mrs Politically Correct Hippie Crap.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Keepin' It Topical!
So, another Australia Day is upon us. As is law and custom, I'm going to drink an unhealthy amount of alcohol to commemorate a thing that happened at one point. I believe it pisses off aboriginals. So, that's that. Anyway, I have some particularly patriotic friends, overflowing with national pride like the little racists they are. Yeah, you heard me. Apparently Australia Day is a day to celebrate all that is Australian (I doubt this is really the case, but it's what people seem to say), and so in the proud spirit of being a smartass, here is a smattering of reasons why you're wrong.
Mis-pronouncing the name of your country probably doesn't do it proud, you morons. I know four syllables is a lot, and my sympathy goes out to you, but seriously, stop saying "ostraya" or "'strahlya" or whatever the hell it is. We live in Australia. Oss-tray-li-ah. This seems petty, but we have to be the only country where the people are dumb enough to say its name wrong and profess the greatness of it in the same breath. It's like when people say "Iraq" with the long "i" sound. How fucking dumb do you need to be? It's only your first language, please stop mangling it.
What basis do you even give for Australia being the best country in the world? Have you even lived anywhere else? How does your understanding of world politics, global economics, standards of living or degrees of social liberty factor into this? Oh, wait, you didn't understand a word I said because you're an uneducated bogan shithead. In my humble, always correct opinion, Sweden is the fucking place to be. A government which is essentially functioning socialism and a surplus of attractive, shapely blondes? Yeah, it's pretty much got our little island beat. Additionally, you know those Ikea meatballs, the ones that everyone loves? THEY INVENTED THOSE!
Australia has the proud tradition of being world renowned for its drunks. I shit you not. At Oktoberfest in Munich, the Hofbrau tent is reserved as the "Australian's Tent" simply because we have a record of getting way to drunk and fucking shit up. Yeah, there's a beer festival in the beer capital of the world, and they've looked at us and gone "no fucking way". We're overtaking Ireland (for most of my life, I thought it was pronounced as one would pronounce "island". Boring bit over.) as the world's drunkard friend. You know the guy who's always drunk, is always up for getting drunk and generally does stupid shit while drunk? In my group of friends that's me, and in the world, that's Australia. Interesting sidenote, at the the time of writing, it's 11am and I've had two beers. Maybe not the best? Eh, who cares.
Also, Australia and the USA are currently duking it out for the title of World's Most Obese Nation. I shit you not. They were top for a while, then we were, I forget who's numero uno now but there isn't much in it. As a man with a very strict "no fat chicks" rule when it comes to relationships (I love my girlfriend), this upsets me. If you have big boobs to compensate for your beer gut, you may be missing the point. They're cute when they're the bits that stick out, not the bits that are resting on the bits that stick out. Additionally, fat girls everywhere, you have no business using tights as pants! You don't have a booty, you've got a gigantic arse! You're blocking out the sun! Pagans everywhere are confused as hell because you're messing up the eclipses and lunar cycles. And it's not as if it's only chicks who are gross as all hell when they're obese. There's something about fat dudes, they just aren't pleasant to look at. But that's shallow, I'm sure they're very interesting to talk to in between bites of KFC.
So yeah, Australia: Land of Fat, Uneducated Drunks. Praise be to the waves of criminals who first populated this great nation, the waves of immigrants who were first subjugated, then accepted and now are indistinguishable from everyone else (I'm half Spanish and half English/Indian/Portuguese/Scottish/Whogivesashitese, so wooo!) and especially the native Australians who you barely see anymore if you live in the suburbs. Oh, and Muslims, hugs and kisses to those guys, they seem nice. If you see me tomorrow, you'll probably see me in board shorts and nothing else, drinking straight out of a keg of Heineken. And you know why? 'Cause I live here and the government told me to.
Mis-pronouncing the name of your country probably doesn't do it proud, you morons. I know four syllables is a lot, and my sympathy goes out to you, but seriously, stop saying "ostraya" or "'strahlya" or whatever the hell it is. We live in Australia. Oss-tray-li-ah. This seems petty, but we have to be the only country where the people are dumb enough to say its name wrong and profess the greatness of it in the same breath. It's like when people say "Iraq" with the long "i" sound. How fucking dumb do you need to be? It's only your first language, please stop mangling it.
What basis do you even give for Australia being the best country in the world? Have you even lived anywhere else? How does your understanding of world politics, global economics, standards of living or degrees of social liberty factor into this? Oh, wait, you didn't understand a word I said because you're an uneducated bogan shithead. In my humble, always correct opinion, Sweden is the fucking place to be. A government which is essentially functioning socialism and a surplus of attractive, shapely blondes? Yeah, it's pretty much got our little island beat. Additionally, you know those Ikea meatballs, the ones that everyone loves? THEY INVENTED THOSE!
Australia has the proud tradition of being world renowned for its drunks. I shit you not. At Oktoberfest in Munich, the Hofbrau tent is reserved as the "Australian's Tent" simply because we have a record of getting way to drunk and fucking shit up. Yeah, there's a beer festival in the beer capital of the world, and they've looked at us and gone "no fucking way". We're overtaking Ireland (for most of my life, I thought it was pronounced as one would pronounce "island". Boring bit over.) as the world's drunkard friend. You know the guy who's always drunk, is always up for getting drunk and generally does stupid shit while drunk? In my group of friends that's me, and in the world, that's Australia. Interesting sidenote, at the the time of writing, it's 11am and I've had two beers. Maybe not the best? Eh, who cares.
Also, Australia and the USA are currently duking it out for the title of World's Most Obese Nation. I shit you not. They were top for a while, then we were, I forget who's numero uno now but there isn't much in it. As a man with a very strict "no fat chicks" rule when it comes to relationships (I love my girlfriend), this upsets me. If you have big boobs to compensate for your beer gut, you may be missing the point. They're cute when they're the bits that stick out, not the bits that are resting on the bits that stick out. Additionally, fat girls everywhere, you have no business using tights as pants! You don't have a booty, you've got a gigantic arse! You're blocking out the sun! Pagans everywhere are confused as hell because you're messing up the eclipses and lunar cycles. And it's not as if it's only chicks who are gross as all hell when they're obese. There's something about fat dudes, they just aren't pleasant to look at. But that's shallow, I'm sure they're very interesting to talk to in between bites of KFC.
So yeah, Australia: Land of Fat, Uneducated Drunks. Praise be to the waves of criminals who first populated this great nation, the waves of immigrants who were first subjugated, then accepted and now are indistinguishable from everyone else (I'm half Spanish and half English/Indian/Portuguese/Scottish/Whogivesashitese, so wooo!) and especially the native Australians who you barely see anymore if you live in the suburbs. Oh, and Muslims, hugs and kisses to those guys, they seem nice. If you see me tomorrow, you'll probably see me in board shorts and nothing else, drinking straight out of a keg of Heineken. And you know why? 'Cause I live here and the government told me to.
Monday, January 17, 2011
We Proudly Present "The Last Whiny Man's Greatest Hits"
To anyone who got excited by that title, fuck you and die. "Greatest hits collections" are for idiots, for so many reasons, all of which I'll plow through right now. Strap in, retards.
They're all songs you've already bought anyway. They've all been previously released on albums, or as singles, or they're available online, anything you like. All the group/artist/whatever has done is taken the songs that were the biggest money spinners and put them together on one big money spinning package. But duh, that's obvious. What is less obvious is that it's only really appealing to the kind of base level moron that wallows in familiarity like the boring hippo person they are, only wanting to hear the same old shit that commercial radio spews out day after day, never changing, recycling all the oldest and most bland ideas keeping people stuck in their ignorant, unimaginative ruts. Fuck that was a long sentence.
Adding "bonus songs" doesn't make it worth having. You know that shit where they tack a couple extra songs on the end of the disc, as if to imply that they're future hits or something retarded. The ridiculous thing is, they normally end up being just that, because they're generally just more base level crap that record labels know will sell big bucks because people are predictable. Take Foo Fighters, who stuck that song "Wheels" on the end of their greatest hits collection. Number one, good going there Dave Grohl, I'm sure your old mate Kurt is so super pleased that you're selling out like a good little corporate whore, and number two, what a shitty fuckin' song. But of course it'll sell, because it's got that pop rythym that everyone seems to like and a craptacular singalong chorus so all the retards can caterwaul "when the wheeeeels come dooooown!" in their drunken off key voices, and of course you'll get the one guy thinking he's a musical prodigy for singing the backing vocals. Guess what retards? Dave Grohl just took your money, and you're stupid. Enjoy.
The internet has made this shit completely redundant anyway. Now, I'm not the most internet-savvy gentleman out, but even I know how to ride the torrents and chicane in and out of piracy-land. Or whatever. If you want a specific set of songs and you don't wanna pay 30 bucks for it, you can just download them. It takes me literally 20 minutes to download a band's entire discography. 20 minutes! It's almost as if you want to keep handing your money over and over again for the same old crap. It's like people who go to food courts but get McDonald's. McDonald's is shit, it's only for 2am drunken grease cravings.
This is all moot, because everyone knows good bands don't release singles, don't get on the radio and try to make albums, not money. Mmmmm... I can taste the hipsterism.
They're all songs you've already bought anyway. They've all been previously released on albums, or as singles, or they're available online, anything you like. All the group/artist/whatever has done is taken the songs that were the biggest money spinners and put them together on one big money spinning package. But duh, that's obvious. What is less obvious is that it's only really appealing to the kind of base level moron that wallows in familiarity like the boring hippo person they are, only wanting to hear the same old shit that commercial radio spews out day after day, never changing, recycling all the oldest and most bland ideas keeping people stuck in their ignorant, unimaginative ruts. Fuck that was a long sentence.
Adding "bonus songs" doesn't make it worth having. You know that shit where they tack a couple extra songs on the end of the disc, as if to imply that they're future hits or something retarded. The ridiculous thing is, they normally end up being just that, because they're generally just more base level crap that record labels know will sell big bucks because people are predictable. Take Foo Fighters, who stuck that song "Wheels" on the end of their greatest hits collection. Number one, good going there Dave Grohl, I'm sure your old mate Kurt is so super pleased that you're selling out like a good little corporate whore, and number two, what a shitty fuckin' song. But of course it'll sell, because it's got that pop rythym that everyone seems to like and a craptacular singalong chorus so all the retards can caterwaul "when the wheeeeels come dooooown!" in their drunken off key voices, and of course you'll get the one guy thinking he's a musical prodigy for singing the backing vocals. Guess what retards? Dave Grohl just took your money, and you're stupid. Enjoy.
The internet has made this shit completely redundant anyway. Now, I'm not the most internet-savvy gentleman out, but even I know how to ride the torrents and chicane in and out of piracy-land. Or whatever. If you want a specific set of songs and you don't wanna pay 30 bucks for it, you can just download them. It takes me literally 20 minutes to download a band's entire discography. 20 minutes! It's almost as if you want to keep handing your money over and over again for the same old crap. It's like people who go to food courts but get McDonald's. McDonald's is shit, it's only for 2am drunken grease cravings.
This is all moot, because everyone knows good bands don't release singles, don't get on the radio and try to make albums, not money. Mmmmm... I can taste the hipsterism.
Monday, January 10, 2011
"Spiritual" Is Another Word For "Stupid Vague Bullshit".
There isn't a shortage of idiots. In fact, the new year is still in its infancy and I'd say we have a surplus. However, this almost goes against everything I've ever said, but I have a little bit of respect for idiots who pick their avenue of stupidity. Hats off to catholics, homeopaths, racists, holocaust deniers and all the retarded members of their ilk, at least you picked a side, even if it is dumb as all hell. But my hat stays firmly glued to my head for people who label themselves as "spiritual". Folks, you're stupid.
What the hell does spiritual even mean? According to Collins Dictionary, "relating to the spirit or soul and not to physical nature or matter." Education time! If it doesn't relate to physical nature or matter, it doesn't exist! "Oooooh but maybe there's an unexplainable aspect to our existence blah blah blah!" Wrong. If it interacts with the natural world in any way, it falls strictly into the realm of science. It's like saying there's some numbers that maths can't handle, it doesn't make any sense.
So, why do people bandy about this word as the one size fits all explanation for why people can't accept that pixies and leprechauns and Jehovah and Krishna and Cthulu don't exist, make no sense and have no relevance to people today? Oh, wait, that's why. Because people, by and large, have no understanding of even the most basic science, and so they figure that "well, maybe" is a compelling argument. It pisses me off to no end.
But what pisses me off more? How you can get two spiritual people together, and after they finish fellating each other with assertions of how open minded they are, a so-called spiritual topic comes up and they just can't see eye to eye. It's funny as hell:
"Oh, I think all world religions have SOME validity, for I am spiritual."
"Yes, I agree. Furthermore, it is likely that pixies exist but are being covered up by scientists, who are greedy and eat children."
"What? You believe in pixies? That's stupid."
"Bitch I'll cut you!"
It's time we all accepted that when people describe themselves as "spiritual", what they're really saying is "I do not have the intelligence or wherewithal to define my beliefs or views, but I am partial to any feelgood nonsense that comes my way." You can almost guarantee that people who are "spiritual" will also subscribe to stupid shit like homeopathy, energy crystals, astrology, psychics and basically anything that makes you feel special. You can also almost guarantee that they'll defend these views despite rarely having an understanding of what they, science or logic entails. Next time someone labels themselves as spiritual, take a copy of "Brief History of Time" in one hand and a copy of the Bhagavad Gita in the other, then beat them to death with them.
What the hell does spiritual even mean? According to Collins Dictionary, "relating to the spirit or soul and not to physical nature or matter." Education time! If it doesn't relate to physical nature or matter, it doesn't exist! "Oooooh but maybe there's an unexplainable aspect to our existence blah blah blah!" Wrong. If it interacts with the natural world in any way, it falls strictly into the realm of science. It's like saying there's some numbers that maths can't handle, it doesn't make any sense.
So, why do people bandy about this word as the one size fits all explanation for why people can't accept that pixies and leprechauns and Jehovah and Krishna and Cthulu don't exist, make no sense and have no relevance to people today? Oh, wait, that's why. Because people, by and large, have no understanding of even the most basic science, and so they figure that "well, maybe" is a compelling argument. It pisses me off to no end.
But what pisses me off more? How you can get two spiritual people together, and after they finish fellating each other with assertions of how open minded they are, a so-called spiritual topic comes up and they just can't see eye to eye. It's funny as hell:
"Oh, I think all world religions have SOME validity, for I am spiritual."
"Yes, I agree. Furthermore, it is likely that pixies exist but are being covered up by scientists, who are greedy and eat children."
"What? You believe in pixies? That's stupid."
"Bitch I'll cut you!"
It's time we all accepted that when people describe themselves as "spiritual", what they're really saying is "I do not have the intelligence or wherewithal to define my beliefs or views, but I am partial to any feelgood nonsense that comes my way." You can almost guarantee that people who are "spiritual" will also subscribe to stupid shit like homeopathy, energy crystals, astrology, psychics and basically anything that makes you feel special. You can also almost guarantee that they'll defend these views despite rarely having an understanding of what they, science or logic entails. Next time someone labels themselves as spiritual, take a copy of "Brief History of Time" in one hand and a copy of the Bhagavad Gita in the other, then beat them to death with them.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
One Step Away From Masturbating
What happens if people start to read this? What happens if I get a following? What happens when you type into google "Tuesday Night Wrist" and this blog actually pops up? Does it mean people agree with me, or they just want to read the rantings of a drunk? These are questions I don't have the answer to.
I don't want you to agree with me. I want you to question me, to point out the flaws, to pick apart everything I hold dear. I welcome it. People follow so blindly to anything these days, but at least Jesus was a nice enough bloke. Me? I'm a self proclaimed bastard with a quarter of a journalism degree and a chip on his shoulder about fucking everything. The gospel according to The Last Whiny Man? "People are terrible, best you avoid everyone but your friends and the chick behind the bar at your local."
Here's the deal... If you read this blog, you accept most people are dumb but you don't like it. You accept most people have their heart in the right place but don't know basic logic and reasoning from their arseholes. You accept that people have a herd mentality and you think it's funny to say stuff people won't agree with. Let's all, collectively, right now, agree that society may be going down the shitter, but at least there's a few of us desperately scrabbling at the porcelain. Scrabble on, noble smartasses. Scrabble on...
I don't want you to agree with me. I want you to question me, to point out the flaws, to pick apart everything I hold dear. I welcome it. People follow so blindly to anything these days, but at least Jesus was a nice enough bloke. Me? I'm a self proclaimed bastard with a quarter of a journalism degree and a chip on his shoulder about fucking everything. The gospel according to The Last Whiny Man? "People are terrible, best you avoid everyone but your friends and the chick behind the bar at your local."
Here's the deal... If you read this blog, you accept most people are dumb but you don't like it. You accept most people have their heart in the right place but don't know basic logic and reasoning from their arseholes. You accept that people have a herd mentality and you think it's funny to say stuff people won't agree with. Let's all, collectively, right now, agree that society may be going down the shitter, but at least there's a few of us desperately scrabbling at the porcelain. Scrabble on, noble smartasses. Scrabble on...
Monday, January 3, 2011
1st Annual "The Year Ahead Looks Shitty" Awards
Whelp, it's 2011. Congrats to all who made it. I'm sure this year has a lot of fun times in store, plus a lot of retarded shit to provide me with material. High fives all 'round. To commemorate what can loosely be described as an occasion, here's a list of things I give just enough of a shit about to complain about.
Band Reunions: I've become desensitized to them. Every month there's news of some band that was mildly popular in the 80s or 90s getting back together and doing a world tour, and frankly it's getting stupid. The reason it was a big fucking thing that Janes Addiction or Soundgarden reunited is because they were very important, very widely appreciated bands who broke up in their prime amid fractured relationships. It makes for wonderful drama. Hearing news of, say... Poison reuniting (I know it's a bit behind the times, but bear with me) somehow has less of an impact. Even the news of a Velvet Revolver reunion smacks of "who gives a shit?" Until Johnny Marr and Morrissey announce a Smiths reunion, I declare a moratorium on old bands getting back together.
The Improvements In Computer Graphics In Movies: Not only have they made it impossible to enjoy campy old movies like the original Tron (I tried, I really did, and it just looked dumb), but they've made everything look the damn same to me. Avatar is obviously the worst offender, but almost any movie you see now will have "breathtaking" visuals. Thing is, once everyone is doing it, it's hardly breathtaking, is it? It just becomes this homogeneous wave of nondescript prettiness that approaches reality but never really reaches it because there's always that little uncanny valley bit in the back of your head that knows what your seeing isn't real, and it disgusts you. I hope against hope that people will figure out an interesting way to use the immense technological power we have now in a way that isn't just "bigger is better," my boredom continues. Special mention to Scott Pilgrim vs The World, as it is so far the only modern movie to actually visually interesting, not just cornea-lancing-ly overwrought.
Parkway Drive: Why do people like these fags? It's just generic, breakdown-y metalcore. Get over it.
BP Being Giant Douchebags: Destroying the environment aside, BP are tremendous bastards through and through. Why? Practically all the petrol stations in Perth are supplied by them. If anyone has been paying attention lately, prices have been climbing and climbing while certain service stations all around are having trouble getting enough fuel to meet demands. Oddly, BP service stations didn't have this problem. My prediction for the new year? Look forward to being bled dry for your car as BP try to make up their losses by taking it from your pockets.
Glee: Glee is dumb.
Two And A Half Men: That show is also dumb, I can't believe it keeps getting renewed.
Any Sit-Com That Isn't "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia": Yeah, pretty much what I just said.
Well, that's about it for now, at least. Expect more complaints, insights and complaints throughout 2011. I've managed to never miss an update since I got started in June 2010 and I hope to maintain my record. The ring finger on my right hand seems to be shooting out white pus, so I leave you with that image.
Band Reunions: I've become desensitized to them. Every month there's news of some band that was mildly popular in the 80s or 90s getting back together and doing a world tour, and frankly it's getting stupid. The reason it was a big fucking thing that Janes Addiction or Soundgarden reunited is because they were very important, very widely appreciated bands who broke up in their prime amid fractured relationships. It makes for wonderful drama. Hearing news of, say... Poison reuniting (I know it's a bit behind the times, but bear with me) somehow has less of an impact. Even the news of a Velvet Revolver reunion smacks of "who gives a shit?" Until Johnny Marr and Morrissey announce a Smiths reunion, I declare a moratorium on old bands getting back together.
The Improvements In Computer Graphics In Movies: Not only have they made it impossible to enjoy campy old movies like the original Tron (I tried, I really did, and it just looked dumb), but they've made everything look the damn same to me. Avatar is obviously the worst offender, but almost any movie you see now will have "breathtaking" visuals. Thing is, once everyone is doing it, it's hardly breathtaking, is it? It just becomes this homogeneous wave of nondescript prettiness that approaches reality but never really reaches it because there's always that little uncanny valley bit in the back of your head that knows what your seeing isn't real, and it disgusts you. I hope against hope that people will figure out an interesting way to use the immense technological power we have now in a way that isn't just "bigger is better," my boredom continues. Special mention to Scott Pilgrim vs The World, as it is so far the only modern movie to actually visually interesting, not just cornea-lancing-ly overwrought.
Parkway Drive: Why do people like these fags? It's just generic, breakdown-y metalcore. Get over it.
BP Being Giant Douchebags: Destroying the environment aside, BP are tremendous bastards through and through. Why? Practically all the petrol stations in Perth are supplied by them. If anyone has been paying attention lately, prices have been climbing and climbing while certain service stations all around are having trouble getting enough fuel to meet demands. Oddly, BP service stations didn't have this problem. My prediction for the new year? Look forward to being bled dry for your car as BP try to make up their losses by taking it from your pockets.
Glee: Glee is dumb.
Two And A Half Men: That show is also dumb, I can't believe it keeps getting renewed.
Any Sit-Com That Isn't "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia": Yeah, pretty much what I just said.
Well, that's about it for now, at least. Expect more complaints, insights and complaints throughout 2011. I've managed to never miss an update since I got started in June 2010 and I hope to maintain my record. The ring finger on my right hand seems to be shooting out white pus, so I leave you with that image.
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