Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I fucking hate U2. So goddamn much. I hate them for so many reasons. There's pure, visceral, corrosive hatred leaking out of orifices I just sprouted out of hatred over that band. Why? Because I loved them once, and they hurt me.
They used to be good. Listen to albums like The Unforgettable Fire or The Joshua Tree... these are excellent pieces of music; original, impassioned, honest yet well composed... great albums. Obviously I'm a little young to have watched them blossom from cute young Irish lads with a knack for delay and cooking potatoes to international potato megastars, but I do have a father with a vinyl collection, so there's that. I'm even going to give them the benefit of the doubt for those strange years in the 90's, because there were still some good songs there. I challenge anyone to tell me that songs like "One" or "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" are bad songs, because you would be wrong if you posited this. The problem kinda hits in the late 90's though, when the soul just seems to fall out of them.
I received "All That You Can't Leave Behind" in 2001 for my birthday, it was one of the first albums that was mine. That should be a momentous... thing, a thing you hold onto and cherish and all that crap, but it wasn't. Here was a 12-year-old going "yeah, it's alright, I like a couple songs...". When a fucking 12-year-old gets bored by your music, you know there's a goddamn problem. And I know what you'll say, you'll be all like "but they sell out massive shows and I like their songs and durpy durpy durpy duuuurp" and posit that because they're selling more now, they must be great. Idiot. They appeal to people like you now because they started putting out samey, middle of the road crap that appeals to people with boring office jobs, two bratty kids and unfulfilled dreams. Your life is shitty and you like shitty music.
And then you get the hardcores, who buy every new U2 album out of some misguided loyalty to the band because they've been listening for a long time, sometimes since they started. I'm going to tell you this right now, in no uncertain terms: YOU DON'T OWE THEM SHIT! They're just artists putting out a product, and if you like it, fine. If you don't, you don't need to reason with yourself as to why you should listen to it anyway! Most bands change direction, this is a thing artists do. There are artists who've had changes of direction I've liked, and artists I don't. I have a veritable buttload of bands of which I only listen to one or two of their releases regularly with the others doing nothing for me, then I have bands whom I enjoy everything they've done. There's no loyalty, just personal enjoyment. Do I still listen to Master of Puppets? Fuck yes I do. Would I see Metallica now, or buy their latest album, or even really pay attention to what they've been doing recently? God no, their most recent output has been turdpies. That doesn't make Master any worse, just as Master doesn't make any of their new stuff not-turdpies.
Anyway, U2. Pile of puffed up dog shit. Terrible, boring music made by rich old men who've completely forgotten where they're from. U2 fans, horrible sycophants who're basically the same as cultists, paying for something so they can feel part of an exclusive clique of like minded idiots. You hurt me, Edge. You hurt me deep down in my pants, but it's ok, because I have taste, so I don't buy into your ridiculous bullshit. I hate you all. Especially Bono.