Being told I'm classless because I live in the northern suburbs by a man with a moustache wearing a grey cotton tracksuit while trying to buy an apartment from him, then being sent to scout for different apartment complexes which all somehow turned out to be exclusively homosexual sports clubs but finding a rather attractive young bikini model in one and, after a rousing round of cunnilingus and appearing on a magazine cover doing the same, walking halfway across Perth to rob a video shop where, as I left, I ran alongside a four wheel drive consoling a tearful ex-girlfriend that I hadn't changed.
That is the basic synopsis of a dream I had last night. I'm a firm believer that everything in dreams is representative of something on the dreamers mind, so here's my attempted dissection.
First of all, the fact that I was trying but failing to buy an apartment; pretty obvious, my desire for independence weighed against the self imposed roadblocks that prevent me from getting it. Realistically, I could quit drinking, stop going out and get a full time job while studying in my spare time and could afford a place of my own, but that would involve me giving up home comforts, so there's internal conflict manifested in a physical situation. In the dream, it was never resolved whether or not I finally did purchase the apartment, which is probably symbolic of how the internal discussion continues in my brain.
The man in the tracksuit calling me classless is, in my opinion, something like middle class guilt manifesting as an antagonist. Being middle class, Caucasian, straight and male, it's very easy for me to lose perspective and fall into a haze of ignorant privilege, but this is something I try to avoid. The overtly classless man attacking me is some sort of mental reminder to not let myself become lazy in my social awareness.
Scouting for different apartment complexes is probably an extension of the "independence" theme, but the transformation into homosexual sports clubs is probably about internal alienation. I have nothing against homosexuals in any way, but I couldn't truly belong to a gay community because I don't share their frame of reference. I suppose this reflects my paranoia about everyone in society secretly hating me or marking me as an "outsider," which probably needs to be fleshed out in more detail but I don't think I mentally possess the tools to do that right now.
The bikini model is clearly a sex thing; I've got a pretty big libido (especially lately... I pretty much have not stopped thinking about sex for like a week) and so really I'm surprised how tame it was. I've had dreams recently involving menage de trois with movie stars (and close friends... awkward) on infinite beds... the fact that it was pretty straight, fairly tame cunnilingus is a slowing down for me. The magazine thing is probably just an admission that I'm an extroverted, exhibitionist arsehole.
The long walk to the video store just to rob it is a bizarre one, for a few reasons; number one, I'm often running or walking in dreams, but I never go anywhere. I usually stay in the one place the whole time, expending energy but going nowhere. Apparently this symbolises my lack of agency. This dream was different, I strode effortlessly to my destination without feeling tired or hot. This could possibly symbolise a newfound sense of agency, but agency towards committing crimes? It doesn't make sense. It could possibly be that my increased control over my life that I feel is being used to do things that people don't approve of (and there's been a couple things lately that friends don't approve of) which probably implies that I feel some sort of guilt deep down, but this is all speculation.
The last part of the dream is a bit weirder. As I ran from the video shop, I passed my ex-girlfriend and her family in their car and I greeted them. They drove beside me as I ran, and she proceeded to berate me for the kind of person I'd become. In the dream, I responded that I hadn't changed at all, that I am who I always was and it was her who had the problem and must come to terms with it, which resulted in her breaking down into tears and slapping me (out of an open car that I was keeping up with as I ran... told you it was weird). My ex most certainly wasn't the break down into tears type, so that was a bit odd to see. I was told to get into the car where she and I sat very, very close. As in, all over each other close. Sex drive, lingering feelings, weird symbolism for my desire to please everyone... I couldn't tell you what it means because it was at that point my brain exited the dream so it's all a bit hazy, but yeah, definitely a weird, emotionally confused bundle of thoughts right there.
Conflicted desire for independence, personal desire to remain socially conscious, a feeling of alienation, overt libido, newfound power used to alienate others, an admission of personal pride juxtaposed against past versions of myself that it clashed with... Yeah, I definitely need meds.
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