Happy new year, inbreds. I hope 2010 contained at least one good moment for you. I personally had a fair few, the last quarter of last year would rank as some of my best months. Anyway, to business.
Facebook, lover and nemesis, we meet again. Why do people post stati of the form "omg love my girlfriend coz she is amazing :D"? You attention seeking whores, grow up. Now, I'm about as lame as it's physically possible to be in relationships, holding hands and bumming out when she's not around and generally being a needy and irritating shit. I'll cop to this, it's a personal failing and it's one that should endeavour to fix. In fact, new years resolution; in 2011, I'll try to be less needy and more secure in my relationship. It's in writing now, looks like I'm stuck. Better limit myself to twenty cutesy text messages a day.
Anyway, to veer back onto my original tangent, what the hell do you achieve by posting your little platitudes on facebook? I appreciate that all stati are inherently meaningless anyway just by the merit of them being stati in the first place, but there's something doubly inane about posting soppy mush notes for all to see. It doesn't even have to be something original or cute, I've seen people just post "I love Blankity McBlank." I'm sure you do, and your relationship status generally confirms this. However, you clearly aren't doing this for the person you're with, there are easier, more sincere and much less smug ways of letting your special someone know they're special. Phone calls are good, or maybe saying it in person, or in a nice card, or something? Whatever, I don't care. You aren't doing it for all your facebook buddies either, because they either already know or don't give a shit, usually both.
The fact is, you're doing it for you. Your doing it so you can flap your dick in front of everyone you know and say "LOOK AT ME! I'M NOT SINGLE! ISN'T IT INCREDIBLY IMPRESSIVE!?" You know what, you cretin? It actually is a little impressive that you aren't single, seeing as you only seem to have enough synapses to scrawl malformed (and usually poorly spelled) declarations of affection for all to admire. I'm sure you're aware that no-one really cares, but that's not the point, is it? The point is to fluff your ego so you can feel a little bit special over the smallest of things.
Now, I know there's an obvious rebuttal in "why does your relationship status specify who you're with, then? Aren't you just advertising it as much as the people you despise?" My response is no, simply because there's a difference between going to a party and saying "this is ______, my girlfriend" and saying "this is _______. I love her soooo much" and then sucking face right then and there. If you saw someone do the latter in person, you'd think them the crowned king of douchiness, wouldn't you? And yet, online, it's somehow... less? No dice. Stop being an arrogant and self-promoting arse, it's pissing me off.
The first post of this year is brought to you by everybody's favourite arrogant and self-promoting arse, The Last Whiny Man. May 2011 be less retard-tastic than 2010.
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