This post has nothing to do with the title. I couldn't think of a good title for the rant that's coming and I couldn't think of a way to pad that thought out into an entire post, so synergy, fuck yeah. This post is about how people have no fucking idea how to argue. It annoys me more than finding a pubic hair in my beer, and that annoys the shit out of me. Now, I was young and stupid once, and I had no idea what logical fallacies or basic logic even was, so I pulled this shit all the time, but a bit of reading later and I realized that, like all high schoolers, I couldn't make a cohesive argument for shit. That's a mild generalization, I'll concede, but there's not one class that even touches on the subject, so fair call. Anyway, here's a compendium of the stupid shit that pisses me off in discussions.
(In an effort to better my own arguing, I must concede that I've recently learned that I often slip character attacks into otherwise cogent arguments or positions. I'm endeavoring to rectify this.)
1) I don't need a counter-theory to disagree with your proposition. This shit comes up aaaaaall the fucking time in discussions, especially ones about religion or the supernatural. You've all heard it, it basically follows the form "well if you're so smart, what do you think it is?" or some variant thereof. For anyone who hasn't figured out exactly why that response is stupid, here's an example: I have no idea about what a carburetor does, or even what it is. However, if someone proposes to me that it's actually a built-in pixie repellent in cars designed to stop errant pixies clogging up the transmission, I know that's, in fact, false. I don't need a counter-theory, because what they just proposed happens to make no sense. In the real world, what this means is that you don't NEED to know someone's wrong not to subscribe to their ideas, their idea doesn't become any more valid just because it's the only one proposed. Long story short, if anyone pulls that shit on you, argument over, you just won by virtue of not saying stupid shit.
2) Just because it makes you feel good, doesn't make it true/valid/good. This is what is referred to as an "appeal to emotion" and it's one of the most frequently committed cardinal sins in discussions. If ever someone proposes to you that, because (insert silly philosophy, like homeopathy) makes them feel better, it must have some merit, just drop the pedo-bomb: "Pedophilia makes some people feel good, does that make it right?" If you don't wanna jump straight to kiddie-diddling, heroin, marijuana, alcohol, pornography and basically anything your gran wouldn't like can be inserted in its place.
3) "Well, I can't think of anything else." Classic argument from ignorance. Just because you can't think of another solution to a problem, doesn't mean one doesn't exist. This is the favourite of psychic- and ghost-believers. "But how else could they know my uncle died in March? They must be psychic!" No, douchebag, they mustn't be. It's called cold reading, or a guess, or countless other scamming methods that have since been discovered. Fun fact: there has been NO psychics (or anyone professing supernatural powers) who've been able to replicate it under scientifically observed conditions. Not one. Oh, they may claim negative energy or some crap, but how lucky is it that it only seems to be skeptics who exude said vibes? "but you just didn't want it to happen, you're exuding negative vibes!" No shithead, the skeptics are the ones who want it to happen the most, because then it's something new to discover.
4) Analogies are NOT expertise. "Foreign policy is a lot like building a house..." No it fucking isn't, you know nothing about what you're talking about and you're creating a simplified analogy of something that's actually quite complex. The worst is when people make analogies that always tie back to their profession or qualification. You might be an expert in one topic (but you probably aren't) but that doesn't mean you know dick about anything else. Four out of five plumbers recommend Colgate for teeth. Yeah, who gives a shit?
5) "Well, who asked you, anyway?" Usually heard at the end of arguments or discussions, but also at the beginning to stifle them before they start, these predominantly start with someone expressing an inquiry or curiosity in the workings of something. What follows is someone offering a solution, only to be told that no one asked them, or that they never really cared to begin with. So why say anything, douchebag? I swear, it's almost as if people don't want to know anything, and they're just content to drink VB and watch Two and a Half Men and be dumbasses their entire life without ever expanding their horizons. You know the type, the guy with a southern cross tattoo and an A.W.O.L.F.I.F.O sticker on their ute. Fuck I hate those people.
Well, that's pretty much it from me. For more on logical fallacies, look it up, but hopefully we can all leave here a bit more logical, and stop telling me that Bigfoot must exist because he gives you a warm fuzzy. Seriously, people are dumb these days, teach this shit in schools, please!
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