You know what can ruin a lovely holiday? Going to work the next day. You know what can ruin going to work after a nice holiday? Having Christmas decorations up in November. I come back after four fucking days and the retards up top have decided that it's high time to spread the Christmas cheer by way of tacky red stars hung from the counter and putting every item in stock on special. I fucking loathe Christmas time.
Well, that's a half truth. I love Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. My liver and stomach hate it, but I friggin' love it. Ever had a drunken argument about socialism with your uncle while your mother serves you freshly cooked garlic prawns? It fucking rules. Ever drunk expensive sherry and eaten turkey wrapped in bacon while listening to jazz renditions of classic Christmas tunes? It rules. Ever gotten so out of it on good weed and better beer that you pass out for 6 hours and wake up to find all your friends sharing cake? It's about the best way to spend your time. Yep, the holiday season is a celebration of life, love, friendship and family. What I can't stand is the month's worth of disgusting consumerism pushed upon you at every turn.
People don't need to be told to buy stuff. They're gonna do it already. The snuggie is living proof of people's inability to not buy stuff. If you want to make money, just think up an idea that's slightly too dumb for words. Then market it. People are stupid, throwing their money at anything that crosses their paths. Want proof? Watch that channel that sells stuff 24-7. That stuff makes money, I shit you not. You don't need to lead this fucking horse to water to make it drink, it's fucking parched. The average person's life is so bereft of stimulation or joy that they NEED a five-second garlic peeler cum potato masher available in turquoise or lavender to fool themselves into thinking that their accounting job is really worth the stress and soul crushing monotony.
I'm not religious in ANY sense of the word. However, there's something about cashing in on people's deepest beliefs to make a quick buck that is really sickening. I know people that couldn't imagine a Christmas without presents, wrapping paper and cards that get read once and then thrown away. It's all they've known, and it's revolting. Everything is being sold to everyone ad nauseum anyway, and during the "holiday season" it gets ramped up into absolute overdrive. Christmas time is so cheap it smells bad. The whole month of December has a tacky glow that makes me want to shower until the grit comes off.
Then TV gets on board! Repeats and Christmas specials abound! I only watch TV when I'm too apathetic to do something constructive (like post on this whiny ghost town) and I find myself so frustrated that push-ups start to look like a fun way to spend the time. It's almost as if it's a massive conspiracy to get us so antsy that we'll all go to the shopping centres to purchase gifts that people don't want to give to people we don't like. In fact, that's exactly what it is. Fuck TV executives, heads of companies and basically every salesman ever. Fuck Christmas time.
I'm going to buy lots of gifts this year. I'm lazy, hypocritical and ultimately unimaginative. But! I'm not gonna be happy about it. If I was a better man, I'd write everyone I care about a heartfelt note telling them exactly why, or write and record them a little piece of music, or something nice and unique. But it's not gonna happen, so suck it up. Everyone who thinks I'm a bad person because of this, post and let me know, I need some hatred.
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