I'm ill. It fucking sucks. I'm either freezing cold or dripping sweat, my right eye is painful as shit and it hurts to swallow. My body has crapped out on me for some unknown reason and I'm thoroughly pissed off about this. I tried to drink some of my beloved "hangover juice" figuring it could cure something that wasn't a hangover, but no, the acid just stung my throat. What the fuck is up with that? Juice couldn't fix me, I'm now officially screwed.
Also, why all the fucking "juice drinks" that are available? Why would you drink anything that wasn't 100% fruit juice? When I see something advertised as containing "25% real fruit juice" I can't help but wonder what the fuck "real" fruit juice is. Not only that, but if you actually read the ingredients on those things, it's mostly water and sugar anyway! Why not just cut out the middleman and drink a coke? You're not fooling anyone and you're doing about as much damage to your pancreas anyway.
"Premium" bourbon and colas. I know people who fork out extra money to buy the bottles of Jim Beam Black and then mix it with coke anyway, or just buy the premixes. If you're gonna buy good booze, why then just mix it with coke? I've tasted said premium bourbon mixed with coke and it tastes the fucking same as every other bourbon and coke; the same as fucking coke! It gets even worse when people buy proper, big boy bourbon, the kind for sipping with a cube of ice, and then water that shit down! If you don't like the taste of liquor, you're just drinking to get drunk, which makes you about as clever as the 17-year-old tramp-stamped walking herpes dispensers that inhabit the noisiest and sleaziest of nightspots. Kudos.
Why the fuck are pubs so loud these days? I'm not talking about places where bands play, or nightclubs, I'm just talking about generic pubs that have whichever nondescript FM radio station 40-year-olds listen to playing at a good 120 dB (OK, not that loud, but shut up). Here's an excerpt from a conversation I've has with friends about a million friggin' times:
"Hey, you know what we should do? Go out for a quiet pint somewhere."
"Yeah, but where's quiet?"
"Hmmm..."
"Uuuuhhh...."
And then we spend a good 20 minutes discussing why no pubs are quiet anymore. Might juuuuust be me, but I wouldn't think that a quiet little place to go for a pint and a packet of crisps would be such a bizarre ask. Granted, there are a few nice little holes-in-the-wall in the city, but goddammit if we're trekking all the way into Perth just to have a quiet drink.
Alcohol doesn't make you feel better when you have a virus, so my weekly pub trip tonight will probably be a sober one (and suddenly, the reason why it's Tuesday Night Wrist becomes obvious) which pisses me off to no end. And we've come full circle. Fuck everyone, I hate you all. Peace.
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