Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Scientists R In Ur Base, Ruining Ur Conspiracies!!1!

Well, it turns out there was no cure for cancer. Doctors aren't conspiring to keep the cure under wraps as a method of population control. In other shocking news, the sky is blue. Seriously, it boggles my fucking mind how, in this day and age, people can still fall for these kinds of things. To read a frank and entertaining debunking, check out PZ Myers' Pharyngula post on the subject. He has a couple things in his favour; 1) He actually read the friggin' paper that was published by the University of Edmonton, wherein it is made abundantly clear that this isn't ready for clinical trials yet, and at any rate only shows promise for treating certain cancers, and 2) He is a professor of biology, so shut up. He's more educated than you on the topic of biology.
Yet another one for my "bullshit detector was right" file. And it's getting pretty full, I may need to upgrade to a filing cabinet pretty soon. Realistically, the whole "medical advances are suppressed as a form of population control" theory/whatever is one of the dumbest conspiracy theories, simply due to its size. Keep in mind, the bigger a conspiracy, the more links in the chain, the less likely it is to be true. Why, you ask? Because how do you manage and govern a group of people so large to be so organised, yet keep it completely under the radar? "Oh, the media are in on it as well!" Sorry, making the conspiracy bigger to solve the problem of it being to big is a logical faceplant.
Also, what the fuck made you think that this one, poorly written article had stumbled upon some vast and incredible secret? Doesn't it even register on that mismatched jumble of synapses you call a mind that it doesn't make any sense, on any level? If there really was such a suppression conspiracy, and this one dickhead threatened to blow the lid, why not just kill him and get rid of the article? Clearly, if they can remain so secretive for so long, they're a tad more computer literate than most, and if they don't mind thousands of people dying of cancers pretty much 'round the clock then surely one random almost-journalist wouldn't weigh too heavily on their conscience. Well, you'd think people would use that good, old-fashioned process of logic and reason, but no dice.
As the mighty, mighty PZ pointed out, the reason funding for this costly project isn't forthcoming is because it's unpatentable. The company that funds the research will lose that money because any other pharmacuetical company can just piggyback on the findings later and sidestep that whole investment problem. That's the issue here. Businessmen are the evil ones, not doctors and scientists. I mean, really, guys. Doctors and scientists spend the best part of their youth working their nutsack off to make your life better. Engineers and mathematicians too. They are in no way out to get you, to make you feel stupid and piss on your parade. Don't get me wrong, they may inadvertantly piss on it, but that's not their fault, blame reality. Sidenote, I am here to piss on your parade. Scientists and authors fill me up with all kinds of pithy urine which I can't wait to unleash on you poor, deluded fuckers. That's not the educated guys, that's me.
Anyway, the villains in this bizarre story of life are businessmen. The guys in suits heading the companies. They're the ones not funding important cancer research. They're the ones who set in play the series of events that caused some pretty serious financial buttrape in America and all over the world. They're the ones driving fuel prices up and milk prices down, screwing over our farmers and utterly molesting the quality of food. When's the last time someone bitched about Coles and Woolworths working in tandem to achieve a monopoly on groceries, thereby fucking over the consumer, while the price war that they are having to try and one-up each other hammers nails in the coffin of local produce? That's not a conspiracy, it's really happening! Right now! Someone bitch about that! (Someone who isn't me, I bitch about it constantly).
Scientists, doctors, engineers, mathematicians, psychologists, philosophers... these are the good guys. Businessmen, CEOs, some unscrupulous lawyers and journalists who care more about cash than truth... these are the bad guys. It's not difficult, people.

Authors note: The majority of lawyers and journalists are honestly interested in truth, law and integrity. A few bad apples kinda spoil the bunch, but honestly? Journalists have their hands pretty tied when the guys paying their wages demand MOAR CONSERVATIVE SCARE PIECES! Filter your news, don't watch Fox and try and double or triple check facts. That's all I ask.

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