All reality is a world perceived by senses and a brain that assumes the senses are telling the truth. A chemical reaction decoded by a computer. Well, then reality is just chemical.
I just love being told about the horrors of drug use by drunk friends. It's fuckin' fantastic. "You don't know what that shit is doing to you" while you down your third long island iced tea. Wow, how insightful. I'm going to make it clear, I'm not talking about drug addiction or drug abuse, these are separate issues. What I'm talking about is the decision that alcohol is somehow on this pedestal where you can use it (that's right, use, it is a drug) regularly and that's fine but any other drug is somehow deviant.
The first response is normally "but alcohol is legal", which smacks of poor reasoning. Yes, alcohol is legal, but this has nothing to do with health benefits or government insight; alcohol and tobacco are pretty much the worst things for you and when's the last time you saw a really aggressive pothead? Obviously stuff like ice is the exception because it's ridiculously addictive, bad for you and makes you aggressive, but very few other substances pose that specific set of issues.
Government rulings like not allowing marijuana consumption in public areas because it promotes antisocial behaviour makes no sense. How is being stoned any more antisocial than getting drunk? It's probably more social, when's the last time you saw a bunch of stoners get into a fight?
Long story short, it's yet another example of people passively accepting what they're told without even thinking about it themselves. Yet another aimless wander down the road away from social freedoms and towards fascism. You know what, it's probably the same douchebags who voted Liberal. Thanks a lot, you conservative smeg-pipe, for perpetuating the myth that the biggest threat to the ostraaahlyan way of life is refugees and young people. I hope you choke and die.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I Got 99 Problems...
I'm going to come clean... I dislike hip-hop. I really do. Maybe it's the fact that, throughout high school, FM radio was pretty much saturated with it, or maybe it's the fact that it just does absolutely nothing for me, musically, I'm not sure. At any rate, the idea of stripping music down to lyric and rythym has always seemed kinda dumb to me, and no amount of nifty sound effects and street poetry can really help me get over the lack of melodies or cool musical ideas.
Like most lonely, sad losers, I got into Radiohead, and from there I discovered trip-hop like Massive Attack and Portishead, and I was quite shocked to find that you could do something kinda cool with hip-hop ideas. Even bands like The Gorillaz, who used rapping interludes in their music, seemed to do it really well. Needless to say, my preconceived notions had been shattered, and being wrong about something worried me.
Just recently, I listened to an album by the unfortunately named Jaydiohead, which is a mashup of Jay-Z rapping and Radiohead backing tracks. It was very entertaining and warrants repeated listens. I recommend it to all out there. Could it... could it be that I'm slowly becoming a hip-hop fan? No, of course not, don't be retarded. The answer is far more pleasing to a cynic like me.
They aren't talented. We'd suspected it for a while, but now we have proof. Sure, they can write nifty rhymes and such, but musically, they're about as talented as a bowl of slightly cooled custard with flies in it. By "they", I of course mean "rappers" and by "talented" I mean "possessing the ability to write good music". Yes, just as I had predicted, music should probably be left up to the musicians. Good thing, too, they're generally the best at it.
I feel bad for denigrating an entire genre of music, but I do it to country all the time and frankly it's just what I've observed. Just putting together a string of observations; I've never liked rapping or hip-hop, talented musicians take some ideas from said genres and make it something enjoyable, I still don't like old rapping or hip-hop. Seems like a forgone conclusion, really.
Like most lonely, sad losers, I got into Radiohead, and from there I discovered trip-hop like Massive Attack and Portishead, and I was quite shocked to find that you could do something kinda cool with hip-hop ideas. Even bands like The Gorillaz, who used rapping interludes in their music, seemed to do it really well. Needless to say, my preconceived notions had been shattered, and being wrong about something worried me.
Just recently, I listened to an album by the unfortunately named Jaydiohead, which is a mashup of Jay-Z rapping and Radiohead backing tracks. It was very entertaining and warrants repeated listens. I recommend it to all out there. Could it... could it be that I'm slowly becoming a hip-hop fan? No, of course not, don't be retarded. The answer is far more pleasing to a cynic like me.
They aren't talented. We'd suspected it for a while, but now we have proof. Sure, they can write nifty rhymes and such, but musically, they're about as talented as a bowl of slightly cooled custard with flies in it. By "they", I of course mean "rappers" and by "talented" I mean "possessing the ability to write good music". Yes, just as I had predicted, music should probably be left up to the musicians. Good thing, too, they're generally the best at it.
I feel bad for denigrating an entire genre of music, but I do it to country all the time and frankly it's just what I've observed. Just putting together a string of observations; I've never liked rapping or hip-hop, talented musicians take some ideas from said genres and make it something enjoyable, I still don't like old rapping or hip-hop. Seems like a forgone conclusion, really.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It's like bullet time, but with the law.
OK, so it has come to my attention that a lot of the things I post, will post and plan to post in the future are incredibly defamatory, which could get my arse sued. This is something I hope to avoid. So, here we go;
The content posted in this blog since its inception and on into perpetuity are purely satirical and for entertainment purposes only. The Last Whiny Man would like to express that the opinions expressed, even the ones expressed explicitly and/or implicitly by him, are in no way an expression of the opinions held by The Last Whiny Man and his associated companies*. All content, even that which cites sources or proclaims itself to be true, is fictional or expressed as parody.
Ok, I think I'm covered.
*Associated companies include Go Fuck Yourself Industries and the Why Don't You Go and Die Partnership.
The content posted in this blog since its inception and on into perpetuity are purely satirical and for entertainment purposes only. The Last Whiny Man would like to express that the opinions expressed, even the ones expressed explicitly and/or implicitly by him, are in no way an expression of the opinions held by The Last Whiny Man and his associated companies*. All content, even that which cites sources or proclaims itself to be true, is fictional or expressed as parody.
Ok, I think I'm covered.
*Associated companies include Go Fuck Yourself Industries and the Why Don't You Go and Die Partnership.
Monday, August 16, 2010
How does it feeeeeeeeel...
Rolling Stone magazine, oh how we love you. The insightful columns and reviews are matched only by your dedication to good music journalism. You are as fresh today as you were when you were first published. ...I'm sorry, I couldn't do that with a straight face. Rolling Stone blows.
I doubt there's ever been a product or publication in history that has a bigger divergence between what they are and what they say they are. Flip through the magazine and you'll find self congratulatory advertisements (for their own magazine) bragging about how Rolling Stone is part of the "Rock Lifestyle" and news sections about only the most cookie cutter and bland artists out today. The latest issue contains a cover feature of Katy Perry posing in her underwear and calling her the "wild Katy Perry", as well as articles about Michael Cera and Sting. Wow, way to keep us up to date on everything alternative, boys.
The last two editions of Rolling Stone had Lady GaGa and the cast of Glee on the covers, further proving their descent into mainstream mediocrity. Sadder still, their attempts to remain relevant (i.e. setting up an online magazine) are more the fodder for pity than interest. The online magazine (or e-mag if you're over 50 and are a computer illiterate moron, like all old people) only features stories found in the print issues anyway, but with the sole advantage of making it easier to flick past such hard hitting articles as "Pink, She So Craaaaazy" or something similar.
And the lists! 100 greatest 80's albums, 1000 must see bands, histories top 10 000 bass players! Do you have a team of accounts desperately crunching numbers to decide what albums should go onto the top 56 90's albums, or just a cabal of numeromancers who tell you that, in fact, it's Nirvana's Nevermind? Wow, that's totally unexpected, I cut myself on the edge of that edgy story.
I can't blame old institutions like Rolling Stone for desperately suckling on their last teat before all the baby boomers finally die and no-one gives a shit about magazines anymore. But you have to laugh as they try to stay relevant in a world where attention spans have become far to small to turn pages. Don't buy Rolling Stone, just let them quietly stop breathing.
I doubt there's ever been a product or publication in history that has a bigger divergence between what they are and what they say they are. Flip through the magazine and you'll find self congratulatory advertisements (for their own magazine) bragging about how Rolling Stone is part of the "Rock Lifestyle" and news sections about only the most cookie cutter and bland artists out today. The latest issue contains a cover feature of Katy Perry posing in her underwear and calling her the "wild Katy Perry", as well as articles about Michael Cera and Sting. Wow, way to keep us up to date on everything alternative, boys.
The last two editions of Rolling Stone had Lady GaGa and the cast of Glee on the covers, further proving their descent into mainstream mediocrity. Sadder still, their attempts to remain relevant (i.e. setting up an online magazine) are more the fodder for pity than interest. The online magazine (or e-mag if you're over 50 and are a computer illiterate moron, like all old people) only features stories found in the print issues anyway, but with the sole advantage of making it easier to flick past such hard hitting articles as "Pink, She So Craaaaazy" or something similar.
And the lists! 100 greatest 80's albums, 1000 must see bands, histories top 10 000 bass players! Do you have a team of accounts desperately crunching numbers to decide what albums should go onto the top 56 90's albums, or just a cabal of numeromancers who tell you that, in fact, it's Nirvana's Nevermind? Wow, that's totally unexpected, I cut myself on the edge of that edgy story.
I can't blame old institutions like Rolling Stone for desperately suckling on their last teat before all the baby boomers finally die and no-one gives a shit about magazines anymore. But you have to laugh as they try to stay relevant in a world where attention spans have become far to small to turn pages. Don't buy Rolling Stone, just let them quietly stop breathing.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Two for One Deal on Rage
There are two things that are the grain of sand in the oyster shell of my mind this week, one rather large and scary, the other seemingly innocuous. The following tales are true, prepare to be horrified.
1) Yet more tales from newspaper write in sections. I became aware of this via a letter in Saturday's West Australian, and then a short search in Google revealed a bunch of related sites (although one was a troll, which ruled).
Intellectual discrimination. You heard me right, intellectual discrimination. Apparently denying someone the right to take a job or a university course because their intelligence is insufficient to complete the tasks effectively is discrimination. The main crux of this is that, like race, gender and sexual preference, people cannot choose their level of intellect, and therefore it's a type of discrimination. You know what, for the sake of argument, let's say that is valid. Some people do work better academically than others, it's an easily observed phenomenon. By the same token, some people are naturally more creative, while others are better with their hands, et cetera. Variety is the spice of life, don't order it mild, you goddamn pussy. But, and here's the catch, do you want a midget bodyguard? A colour blind electrician? A newsreader with a speech impediment? These are all things that people can't control, why should it be a factor?
The answer? Because it affects their ability to do their job well. Why should universities reject applications from people who do not demonstrate the academic ability or intellectual capacity to pass the course? Because they'll fail the goddamn course! This is exactly the kind of PC crap that makes people think that everything is discrimination and that middle class white men are the worst people ever. Snobbish, conspiratorial discrimination by academia? Really? Is that really the obvious answer? Or maybe it's just that the idiots have finally spoken up for their right to be stupid. Speak on, noble fuckwits.
2) This utter fuckfest of an election. Videos like this make me wonder if this country ever has a hope in hell of moving out of conservative right wing borderline fascism: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVTR79_mBOM&). Between this kind of half scare tactic, half appeal to emotion reasoning and douchebags like Stephen Conroy, You could be forgiven for thinking that Australia is actually an offshore settlement of Alabama.
"Real 'straahlyans need ta stop da boats, coz they're takin' all our jerbs!" has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard, especially when people consider that the percentage of the population increase attributed to boat people is less than one percent, while the percentage of the increase attributed to refugees and asylum seekers is still just under 5% (source: http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/07/08/crikey-says-mathematics/). But yeah, you lost your job because of the darkies, not your laziness and inability to do a good job, you racist dick. You could almost imagine Tony Abbott saying "Those damn immigants (sic), I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them!".
All this pandering, scapegoatism and middle-of-the-road political barrel scraping does, however, have an upside. Interest in the two major parties has fallen, and they're neck and neck in the polls. Factor in an increase in Greens support (I heard recently that it was 14%, a record for them, I believe) and a bright, shiny, warm (and sexy, thanks Fiona) future comes into view. Labor could strike a deal with The Greens to stay in power, meaning that any decisions that go through the Senate would have to be OK-ed by them. Is it perfect? No. Is it a step in the right direction, towards a more open, humanitarian and socially responsible Australia? I say yes. But come voting day, the numbers will tell the real story. I urge everyone to jump on party websites and bone up on what each parties policies are, and make an educated choice. Then crack a beer and kick Tony Abbott squaw in the nuts for being a dick.
1) Yet more tales from newspaper write in sections. I became aware of this via a letter in Saturday's West Australian, and then a short search in Google revealed a bunch of related sites (although one was a troll, which ruled).
Intellectual discrimination. You heard me right, intellectual discrimination. Apparently denying someone the right to take a job or a university course because their intelligence is insufficient to complete the tasks effectively is discrimination. The main crux of this is that, like race, gender and sexual preference, people cannot choose their level of intellect, and therefore it's a type of discrimination. You know what, for the sake of argument, let's say that is valid. Some people do work better academically than others, it's an easily observed phenomenon. By the same token, some people are naturally more creative, while others are better with their hands, et cetera. Variety is the spice of life, don't order it mild, you goddamn pussy. But, and here's the catch, do you want a midget bodyguard? A colour blind electrician? A newsreader with a speech impediment? These are all things that people can't control, why should it be a factor?
The answer? Because it affects their ability to do their job well. Why should universities reject applications from people who do not demonstrate the academic ability or intellectual capacity to pass the course? Because they'll fail the goddamn course! This is exactly the kind of PC crap that makes people think that everything is discrimination and that middle class white men are the worst people ever. Snobbish, conspiratorial discrimination by academia? Really? Is that really the obvious answer? Or maybe it's just that the idiots have finally spoken up for their right to be stupid. Speak on, noble fuckwits.
2) This utter fuckfest of an election. Videos like this make me wonder if this country ever has a hope in hell of moving out of conservative right wing borderline fascism: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVTR79_mBOM&). Between this kind of half scare tactic, half appeal to emotion reasoning and douchebags like Stephen Conroy, You could be forgiven for thinking that Australia is actually an offshore settlement of Alabama.
"Real 'straahlyans need ta stop da boats, coz they're takin' all our jerbs!" has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard, especially when people consider that the percentage of the population increase attributed to boat people is less than one percent, while the percentage of the increase attributed to refugees and asylum seekers is still just under 5% (source: http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/07/08/crikey-says-mathematics/). But yeah, you lost your job because of the darkies, not your laziness and inability to do a good job, you racist dick. You could almost imagine Tony Abbott saying "Those damn immigants (sic), I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them!".
All this pandering, scapegoatism and middle-of-the-road political barrel scraping does, however, have an upside. Interest in the two major parties has fallen, and they're neck and neck in the polls. Factor in an increase in Greens support (I heard recently that it was 14%, a record for them, I believe) and a bright, shiny, warm (and sexy, thanks Fiona) future comes into view. Labor could strike a deal with The Greens to stay in power, meaning that any decisions that go through the Senate would have to be OK-ed by them. Is it perfect? No. Is it a step in the right direction, towards a more open, humanitarian and socially responsible Australia? I say yes. But come voting day, the numbers will tell the real story. I urge everyone to jump on party websites and bone up on what each parties policies are, and make an educated choice. Then crack a beer and kick Tony Abbott squaw in the nuts for being a dick.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Korean BBQ and Theft
We couldn't get hotpot... the place was being renovated. We got Korean BBQ instead.
Interesting sidenote, the RIAA are "protecting" In Rainbows from being illegally downloaded. I didn't write about this one because it's already been covered, so here's the link: http://torrentfreak.com/riaa-protects-radioheads-in-rainbows-100801/
It pisses me off to no end that the record industry at large feels the need to dig in their heels and become bigger bastards than ever in the light of a changing world. Radiohead, with others, have proven that the current model of music distribution is an outdated and money-grubbing system, and this obviously scares them. It must be hard to be told you're obsolete.
Here's the deal; Stop paying for music. Grab it off your friends, download it illegally, whatever. But if you really like the band, donate a bit of money to them, pay for a ticket to see them live, buy some of their merch. Sidestep the brick and mortar money traps of the 60-something year old suit and tie bastards who are more about a quick buck than good music. In doing so, you will literally melt the faces of Pink and Nickelback. OK, not really, but you will stop shit like that existing.
Keep music evil and all that crap; do Thom Yorke a favour and download all your music illegally.
P.S. There aren't going to be two posts a week now, I thought I would be inundated with assignments all of Tuesday so I updated Monday, then busted out the assignments in a few minutes. Meh, blame falling education standards.
Interesting sidenote, the RIAA are "protecting" In Rainbows from being illegally downloaded. I didn't write about this one because it's already been covered, so here's the link: http://torrentfreak.com/riaa-protects-radioheads-in-rainbows-100801/
It pisses me off to no end that the record industry at large feels the need to dig in their heels and become bigger bastards than ever in the light of a changing world. Radiohead, with others, have proven that the current model of music distribution is an outdated and money-grubbing system, and this obviously scares them. It must be hard to be told you're obsolete.
Here's the deal; Stop paying for music. Grab it off your friends, download it illegally, whatever. But if you really like the band, donate a bit of money to them, pay for a ticket to see them live, buy some of their merch. Sidestep the brick and mortar money traps of the 60-something year old suit and tie bastards who are more about a quick buck than good music. In doing so, you will literally melt the faces of Pink and Nickelback. OK, not really, but you will stop shit like that existing.
Keep music evil and all that crap; do Thom Yorke a favour and download all your music illegally.
P.S. There aren't going to be two posts a week now, I thought I would be inundated with assignments all of Tuesday so I updated Monday, then busted out the assignments in a few minutes. Meh, blame falling education standards.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
...I hate myself for having to do this.
One goddamn week. One week was all it took for uni to take away all my ideas. Fuck. Oh well, I'm going out for Chinese Hotpot tonight, so in the spirit of that great dish, here are the raw ingredients, simmer them how you wish. Or whatever, here's a list of shit that pissed me off this week.
1) "Lying" by Amy Meredith. Fuck this new Aussie band and this catchy-arse song of theirs. It's... garbage, it really is. The fuzzy bass, the boring guitar, the lead singer's whiny voice and the banal lyrics all add up to a song which is just terrible. Except for the fact that it's STUCK IN MY GODDAMN HEAD! Should I hear a snatch of it, for whatever reason, not even a pneumatic jackhammer could dislodge the bastard. Amy Meredith, fuck you and your insidious mind control tactics and start writing good songs.
2) The multitude of awesome bands who I've only just become aware of. This month/week/day/nanosecond it's Band of Horses, Spoon, My Morning Jacket, Sparklehorse and Gojira. All of them brilliant bands whose discographies I wish I had. YouTube, what a saviour you are.
3) People who drive under the speed limit. Seriously, it's a 70 kph zone! Why the fuck are you going 55? I hate you.
4) The campaign trail. I would not give two shits if future prime ministers took even one step out of their house if they were making good, effective policies, rather than just pandering to peoples xenophobia and racism. Seriously, what does Tony Abbott filleting a fish have to do with anything, ever?
5) People with annoying stupid voices that pull faces when they talk and say um all the fucking time and OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST STRING TWO WORDS TOGETHER WITHOUT AN UM OR SMACKING YOUR LIPS OR SOMETHING RETARDED! CHRIST!
6) Writers who have to resort to just spewing off a bunch of opinionated bullshit to cover for their lack of talent. I hate those guys.
1) "Lying" by Amy Meredith. Fuck this new Aussie band and this catchy-arse song of theirs. It's... garbage, it really is. The fuzzy bass, the boring guitar, the lead singer's whiny voice and the banal lyrics all add up to a song which is just terrible. Except for the fact that it's STUCK IN MY GODDAMN HEAD! Should I hear a snatch of it, for whatever reason, not even a pneumatic jackhammer could dislodge the bastard. Amy Meredith, fuck you and your insidious mind control tactics and start writing good songs.
2) The multitude of awesome bands who I've only just become aware of. This month/week/day/nanosecond it's Band of Horses, Spoon, My Morning Jacket, Sparklehorse and Gojira. All of them brilliant bands whose discographies I wish I had. YouTube, what a saviour you are.
3) People who drive under the speed limit. Seriously, it's a 70 kph zone! Why the fuck are you going 55? I hate you.
4) The campaign trail. I would not give two shits if future prime ministers took even one step out of their house if they were making good, effective policies, rather than just pandering to peoples xenophobia and racism. Seriously, what does Tony Abbott filleting a fish have to do with anything, ever?
5) People with annoying stupid voices that pull faces when they talk and say um all the fucking time and OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST STRING TWO WORDS TOGETHER WITHOUT AN UM OR SMACKING YOUR LIPS OR SOMETHING RETARDED! CHRIST!
6) Writers who have to resort to just spewing off a bunch of opinionated bullshit to cover for their lack of talent. I hate those guys.
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