On Feminine Empowerment

OK, so first of all, apologies for missing last week and posting late this week. I have an excuse... let's go with "work."

Second, laying out my bona fides here: I'm not a feminist, by default. I'm a dude, I can't really be a proper feminist. I'm a feminist sympathiser though, and I find a lot of their theories make sense. I'm nowhere near as well read as I should be and I'm nowhere near the radical end of the spectrum, but I won't lie, I'm closer to that side than I am to the weird, faux-feminist lipstick thing. I just don't understand how modern "empowerment" is even remotely empowering. To clarify:

1) How is Sasha Grey (or any pornstar) a symbol of feminist empowerment? I understand that there was a brief period in the sixties when certain feminists were fans of Playboy magazine for presenting a new, liberated female sexuality, but even then, it's kinda flawed. Fast-forward to modern hardcore pornography and it's the same flawed logic a hundredfold. Yes, I agree that women should have the same freedom to be sexual and express their sexuality as men have and yes, I think that the whole "a man is a player, a woman is a slut" ideal is just plain stupid. You can't advocate equality on one hand then hold women to this arbitrary standard of sexual "purity" on the other. The door swings both ways; if men and women are to be truly equal, there's no reason why a woman can't have sex with as many (or as few) men or women (or otherwise, provided the parties consent) as they like. That said, modern pornography isn't about sexual freedom, it's a male domination fantasy. Seriously, just watch some porn, I guarantee it'll feature at least one scene where the woman gazes reverently at the man's penis like it's work of art, there'll be at least one scene where the man will say "you like that?" and the woman will make some response like she's in the absolute throes of orgasmic pleasure because, oh I don't know, she has two penises in her arse. The vast majority of pornography is made under the pretense that women are to be used for male satisfaction, and I have not yet found any (admittedly I haven't really been looking) where it's the reverse. Pornstars, particularly ones in the public eye like Sasha Grey or Bree Olsen, don't present a new, aggressive take on female sexuality as much as they propagate a penis worship fantasy.

2) I don't think any sexual act is inherently sexist but it's all context dependent. I've heard the argument presented that stuff like fellatio, man on woman anal sex and even penetrative vaginal sex are all sexist weapons that hamstring female sexual freedoms, but I don't buy this so much, again because the door swings both ways. Humans aren't robots, sex isn't a transaction. It can involve a number of partners of any gender, its definition isn't so clear cut. The point is, if anyone involved in the activity derives pleasure from a certain action and everyone else involved is cool with it, I don't see the harm. Comfort and consent, guys. Comfort and consent. The issue comes out of, once again, expectation that women should act a certain way and do certain things. A woman giving a man a blowjob isn't necessarily sexist, but a man expecting her to, getting annoyed when she doesn't and acting as if she's doing something wrong for not, that is sexist. I had an ex who was particularly uncomfortable with the whole idea of oral sex, both giving and receiving, so we just never did it. It's not that she was wrong, of course she wasn't. She was uncomfortable with the idea and to insist upon it would have made her even less comfortable, so it's not as if she could ever properly consent to it. Prostitution is a bit sticky here, because it blurs the lines of what consent is, but my incredibly simplistic view on the issue is: Trafficked women, drugs addicts, single parents living in poverty and the mentally handicapped do not have the proper tools to consider their situation, so I'd say to have sex for money with one of the mentioned would be forced. People who are of sound mind, i.e. aren't having sex for money for any reason other than their own desire to are not being forced. Please feel free to tear that apart if you find it flawed.

3) Makeup and revealing clothes... well, this wouldn't be an issue if men and women did it to equal measure, would it? The problem lies in the asymmetry. Personally, the amount of makeup a person chooses to put on and the amount of clothing (or lack thereof) they choose to wear doesn't bother me, although personally I'm getting bored with dolls in miniskirts, just saying. I've found that, as a general rule, the type of person I'm attracted to, both physically and socially, doesn't wear much makeup (if any at all) and generally dresses sensibly, but then again, that's not to say that my particular "type" is attractive and people who don't do that are unattractive, it's just my personal preference. Don't get me wrong, I think the whole fake tan, fake boobs, high heels, dresses that show of the bottom half of your bum thing has social "this is what a pretty young woman should look like" undertones, but by the same token I don't have any problem with bikinis and short shorts in the summertime (oh man, there was this one outfit an ex wore, involving shorts shorts, and it was just the hottest thing ever. Seriously, it was powerful sexy) so call me a hypocrite if you must, but I do think there's a fundamental difference between the two.

I know this was a whole bunch of "what's the deal with...?" but gender issues are a huge, complicated issue and frankly, the entire world is sexist. Seriously, the whole goddamn place. I'd be pleased if people could really discuss and dissect just how messed up it is, but more often than not, people are too invested in the way the world works to really try and change it. How depressing.