Monday, October 4, 2010

I Made a Score-Point!

It was a bit of a strange time in Australia if you don't care about sports. We had a grand final of some description, which ended as a draw. As such, we had to have another one because apparently the Australian Football League (not proper football, our own retarded variant) has no fucking idea what to do if a draw happens. I can imagine the boardroom after the result came in: A bunch of old, ex-players looking sheepishly at each other before one finally says "...so, I guess we have to play it again, then?" What a stupid game. Extra Time, penalty kicks, captain on captain knife-fighting... these are all viable alternatives. Hell, I'd pay money just to see the knife-fighting.
I don't really get sport that much. I played football (the proper kind) as a kid, and my family follows it, so I've always just kinda understood the game. I can watch a top-level match and enjoy it, especially if there are friends and liquor present. Yet, for whatever reason, in my adult life, I can't relate to any other sport that people seem to watch... it's literally just men running into other men to me.
Rugby, basketball, AFL... it's all very homo-erotic, isn't it? I mean, that's the obvious gripe, I doubt I'm the first person to make the astute observation of "lots of men, wearing very little, getting all sweaty and rubbing up against each other is a little gay, at least in theory." If I don't like watching it at a gay bar, I'm probably not going to like it in a sports rink/court/pitch/whatever. There was an ad over here that was a testament to the stupidity of AFL fans in general, where camp icon Jerry Hall said "22 men running around in tiny shorts? I'd watch that." If that doesn't demonstrate the massive cock-thirst of the entire institution, I don't know what does.
But more than that, isn't all sport just a holdover from a much more boring time? I mean, I get it, in ancient times when all you had was a ball and an expanse, you had to make your own fun. Maybe there was a guy who was really good at whatever ball sport was concocted, so people watched it. And I get why people still play sport, exercise prevents obesity and death (yes, fatties, you could have dodged your wobbly bullet by kicking a football around) and playing a game with friends is more fun than going for a walk or gym for an hour. What I can't quite understand is how one man's talent at, oh I don't know, KICKING A PIECE OF PLASTIC AROUND FOR A BIT, elevates them unto ridiculous celebrity.
It's not the player's fault they get paid well. With all the money that gets poured into the institution, it would be unfair NOT to pay them well. Ideally they'd make a decent wage and the rest of the revenue would go to a charity of some description, but people are selfish and all it would take is one club not to do that and the whole thing would become unbalanced. It's really the fault of the rabid sports fans, turning ordinary men into "legends" (a word thrown around far too loosely these days). What is it, you have too much testosterone and a handful of broken dreams so you have to live vicariously through young men who made the grade? Is it any wonder you get guys like Ben Cousins going off the rails? They're early twenties, making ridiculous amounts of cash by getting angry and competitive while having everyone telling them they're great and somehow special. Show me anyone, anywhere, in that situation who wouldn't go off the rails in one way or another! And then society as a whole has the audacity to shake their finger at their fallen idol... You aren't helping your case with me, folks.
Me disliking sports as an entertainment is purely an opinion, it's just another thing people do to kill time. There's literally no difference between watching a game of football, watching a concert, playing a video game, getting a little high, going for a walk, playing drums, baking... all that crap. If you're mature about it. Where it becomes a problem is when the element of competitiveness takes over, when testosterone fuelled meathead behaviour turns something benign into a cancer on society, with young men built up to broken down and anger and rivalry is promoted, rather than condemned. Our modern approach to sport as an entertainment has no place in a civilized society, it is simply a stubborn habit that people refuse to break. And it's really kinda gay.

P.S. I have similar feelings about the music industry as a whole as well, so don't give me the "but musicians get the same crazy pay and star treatment" spiel.

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